The New Ten Commandments

1. Thou shalt have no other gods before thyself or thy Mother, the Earth.
2. Thou shalt worship thy god(s) in the way that seems best to thee.
3. Thou shalt use the name “Jesus” and any of its variations (e.g. geez, Christ, Jesus H. Christ, etc.) to comment upon the most fleeting of things, but thou shalt not profane the name of any other religious figure for that is intolerant and disrepectful and therefore forbidden.
4. Thou shalt work as little as thou possibly canst and demand compensation that is more than thou deservest, or thou shalt work too much for the sake of living “well.”
5. Thou shalt despise thy parents and blame them for all thy deficiencies … that is when thou actually ownest up to thy deficiencies. Thou shalt also place thy parents in a nursing home when they are unable to care for themselves since thou art too occupied with commandment number four.
6. Thou shalt respect a mother’s right to butcher her own child if she so desireth, and thou shalt be horrified at the brutality and injustice of capital punishment and at the mistreatment of animals.
7. Thou shalt divorce thy spouse if thou so desirest for any reason.
8. Thou shalt not smoke.
9. Thou shalt recycle and reduce thy carbon footprint.
10. Thou shalt desire all things that thy neighbor owneth and strive to outdo them.

Categories: Miscellanies


2 replies

  1. Fantastic;

    I think for number 6 it is also interesting that the same people who are horrified at the idea of raising and killing animals to provide food would generally agree that a mother butchering her unborn child for the sake of convenience (or any reason) is acceptable.


  2. @Brad

    Very fantastic. It's like we live in opposite land.


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